Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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