Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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