so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
