mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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