I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
