So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
