Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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