Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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