I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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