brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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