I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
