I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
A+ Viking dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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