you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Vodka?
Forever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
