Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
