bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When are your genitals available?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
