Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
