member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize