He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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