I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
