don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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