11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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