why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
