I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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