She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
