worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
