I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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