I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
