it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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