dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
