the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
