Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
