i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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