help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize