So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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