what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
