i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize