Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i out mim tonsoeep
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