you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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