I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize