Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
