Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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