I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
