I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize