Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
