Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Randomize
