OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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