what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
