I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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