On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize