I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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