so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
