I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
it's like heaven, but drunker
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
