you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
