All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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