I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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