I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize