the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
