so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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