just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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