none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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