Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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