im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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