I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
