Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
