Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
