So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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