Sry I called you an 8
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
