when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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