I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
