Umm I'm too high to move.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
