I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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