So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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