Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
