Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
