there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize