Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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