At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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