Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
