please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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