i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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