i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
