He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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