I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
