I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sorry about my life...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
