did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
