It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
