i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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