i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
