Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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