I need help removing her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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