did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
