dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
