Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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