so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize