So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
organizing the empties. That sober.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
